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Joanne Froggatt, who stole the hearts of millions of viewers as Anna, the loving and resilient lady's maid on Downton Abbey, stars in a totally different role in a spine-tingling two-part drama on Masterpiece. Dispensing death from the spout…. Having faith in yourself. But DO get support that you trust. Regardless, I always appreciate the conversation and learning mostly learning about myself that comes with conflicting opinions. So… again…. Brianna — I really appreciate this comment and your earnestness in sharing your experience and encouraging people to trust themselves.
And while I have lost faith in TR, he clearly gets a lot right and has helped a lot of people. Great article.
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Then he had the successful, daring, courageous people verbally mock and humiliate the losers literally screaming at us. Fun times. And whoa. I have heard of him and countless like him encouraging people to spend money that they dont have as long as the coach is the recipient. Pretty gross stuff.
Thanks for encouraging me to see farther. Readers like you are the best. I found this article a myopic, self-serving attack on a man who has helped millions. Your opinions and judgments are simply opinions and judgments. I appreciate your perspective. Yet I struggle with people denouncing the man and his work before they have experienced it in person.
It brought me immense personal healing. I also coach for Tony Robbins as a contractor. I am a good coach. Do I agree with everything Tony teaches? I do not. I completely agree that all emotions need to be honoured and listened to. I do not appreciate him saying: Just approach everything with a beautiful state. I think it is silly and ridiculous…. This is not how things actually take place when you attend a seminar. Many enjoy the experience and gain a few tidbits. Many walk away with very, very little change. It has always been something that stymied me.
How come some people get so much and others walk away with so little? I sense, yet can not be sure, that is has something to do with how badly we want a shift when we attend. If we are hungry, truly hungry, it seems like many of the closed eye processes and questions, help us release our preconceived notions and move to a level of consciousness where we see new answers and possibilities. They worship Tony. Many would find the situation too loud. Too many people.
Too brash an approach. His approach worked for me and I am forever grateful for that. Yet one of the most grounded, beautiful souls that I ever met was a massage therapist that I used to frequent. I asked her what she did to remain so grounded and centered. Complete silence. And in that silence, she found her truth.
Rather than jump down his throat, why not appreciate that he does some things that are good. It is never so black and white. There is a grey area……one in which we can take what works for us and leave what does not. He has worked some amazing magic…. And some, he makes a mess of. So I guess, he is human, like the rest of us. Thanks for this article Jason. For me — add many nutritionists to the list who think supplements will cure everything. When they are pushing pills as much if not more than a doctor it is sickening. People will spend thousands on supplements that the nutritionist is selling WHILE getting kickbacks or making a profit on the sale, it is dirty and underhanded.
Snake oil salesmen have hurt and damaged people throughout history. I like what you said about checking on the person before buying…. If I could hug you right now I would! I am a trained Psychotherapist of 18 years and in the last two, I have had the privilege to work with women in business, around money mindset, inner confidence, and creating a business that they love. I thought I was the only one who did not like Tony Robbins move and his approach. As a therapist, I find his techniques highly shaming and quite unethical. I have seen people hurt by coaching gone wrong and it has cost them emotionally and financially.
My mission is to help women in business a successful business and one that they love, as much as I love mine. To do it in a supportive, ethical, and individualized way. I have a huge tool kit to help due to my training and a high ethical bar due to my license. People make the mistake of assuming because someone is abnormally confident that they are full of deceit and any mistakes they make are Ill-intentioned.
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Article was very well written though. You are a compelling writer and I will now be following you more. The NLP stuff is such a con, when you understand the principles you can see all the manipulations and become less vulnerable to being screwed over — sadly though, it works on people, and that is the part of all of it that drives me crazy. I just want to call bullshit soooo often. Well I have seen Tony Robbins.
A part of me was skeptical because I believe change comes from holding yourself accountable and making changes. I believe that change is work and you may need to reach out for additional help but ultimately we all have the power to be better if we want. The worst thing is I felt crazy because when you are in a room with 10, and they are sold on it you feel a little like something is wrong with you.
So I actually came home feeling worse than before only to be bombarded daily by the Facebook feed of the people whose lives were transformed! I will take what I learned and move on. I should have known better. I felt that little tug and ignored it. I do have a bad taste in my mouth but my hope is that Tony truly cares about people and believes he is doing good. I plan on working hard and making the best year yet!
Thanks Jason I really connected with your comments because armed with the same knowledge for my public speaking debut in Las Vegas back in on stage at the Orleans Casino I walked to the front of the stage thinking to myself how easy could it be to be more than Tony Robbins simply by realizing that my audience deserve more that the meters it takes for the Robbins effect to wear off so I decided to on not being Tony Robbins. I used him as my blueprint then did entirely the opposite of many techniques he uses, I even cited that I felt they deserved better from me.
In reality, I was actually avoiding the tough activities like sales calls or marketing campaigns and wasted an entire year of growth. Sounds like you want to be Tony Robbins, and the only way you can see yourself getting there is by bringing him down and putting yourself up. Actually, I willingly left professional speaking at the top of my game. I wrote about it here, and routinely turn down speaking gigs. Maybe Greg Gillis. Sometimes I wonder, do we really have a problem, or are we creating problems because we believe in order to grow we must resolve issues?
I Think the personal development industrie and professional health industrie both give a lot suggestions that there is something wrong with us. A fascinating article and so timely for me. I know many coaches who seem like frauds — leadership coaches whose own personal experience of leadership is very minimal if any, business coaches who have only worked for themselves in a very small business, self development coaches who judge, criticise and put others down on a regular basis. Melissa — are you a new reader? If so, welcome!
I have to say that I have studied NLP. It as one of the therapies I use when working with people to help them to make the changes that they need to make. It can be really a really useful tool to teach people how to communicate more effectively. I always teach self help as I believe that it is important to give people skills so that they are able to look after their own well being and not be reliant on a therapist. In other words, I like to do myself out of business.
I also believe that to really be able to help someone, you have to heal yourself first. Personal development is important for everyone, for if you do not know yourself how can you learn and grow and that, in my opinion, is what we are all here for. I have to mostly agree with what you say. You need a like coach when you dont have the confidence in yourself, and lack people around you to inspire you. We all need somebody in out lives to look up to and to try and emulate. Maybe our teachers need to inrpire us more. Those that can will do.
Those that can not mauy need some guidence and that may have to be a coach. But, that needs a postive coach with positibe help, not just words of encouragement. From a financial perspecitve, some see a person that fails and has to try again as a more financially rewarding target than those that suceed. The internet marketing inducstry is full of shiny objects that people dream with until the next one arrives.
Several years ago I was depressed, and what made it worse was studying a lot of personal development. I also learned to appreciate we have an individual responsibility to take things with a grain of salt and consider context for any advice given. Nearly anything can be both good or bad depending on the context. For instance, breathing generally considered a good thing is a terrible thing to do when your head is under water. And not breathing generally considered a bad thing will save your life when your head is under water.
What can kill you in one context can save you in another and vice versa. So any good advice can become bad advice for a particular person or situation. With personal development you were willing to look at the good, bad, and ugly. It can be used to do good or harm. Thank you for writing this Jason!
One of the biggest things this industry is most lacking in is accountability for claims and transparency in results, and posts like this are a strong push in the right direction. This really helped clear up a lot of the self doubt I was having and helped me establish clearer guidelines for myself in terms of how I can keep myself honest in my work. Keep the great writing coming and I would love to pick your brain about this further if you have the time. Interesting article Jason. There are many professional coaches who also refer people to therapists as appropriate.
And there are some great NLP coaches and trainers. So, you definitely raise some interesting points. Some years ago I ran a course to licence a group of people to go and coach others in a particular area, then chose not to licence them as too many of the group needed to work on themselves more first. There are plenty of good people out there too, who practice what they preach and hold to high professional standards.
Jason I do recommend you take a closer look at NLP, used with integrity it is not manipulative but can be powerful. Sadly I saw lots of people misuse it before I found inspiring people who use it well. Thank you for promoting some lively discussion, your thoughts and opinions were interesting. I wish you well. Your words open my eyes in so many ways and encourage me to share my stories for the first time publically.
Soon after my arrival in Europe I faced many challenges mainly on self confidence. He planted the seed of self-help in my head. That self doubt made me feel even less confident than before. Thanks to her I learned about work of Kristen Neff and self compassion. It has been a journey of 6 years since went into self help and I became a life coach in meantime. I would like to say your words on finding the suitable coach and mental health professionals gave me great insight to think about my niche and how I can be authentic about bringing my message out there. I was surprised when he attached his name to a company in my industry that scammed thousands of people with fake product.
Hurting lots of business globally. So it does make you wonder where the truth starts and the marketing begins with him. And wonder if his close ties to network marketers have twisted his once good intentions. Hey Jason, thanks for the great article. I grew up in a pentecostal church and his methods are so similar that it really gives me a bad taste in my mouth. Church camp after church camp when I was young all deploy these methods.
Strong emotional charge, you feel like your life is going to change forever, it does change but not for long. Once the memory fades then so does the commitment.
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In my own experience, personal development is a deliberate daily practice. As a life coach, I completely agree there is a delicate balance that needs to be maintained. Deliver the help you promise, never guarantee results, and focus specifically on whatever areas you specialize with generally a topic the coach jas either received special education in or extensive experience with. I specialize in helping people overcome anxiety, depression, and ptsd. I do this by carefully helping the person examine their core beliefs and behaviors, identfy ones the person wants to change, and work on each while teaching them how and why this is important.
After a few months at most 6 months , the person then leaves the nest and flies on their own — with new skills to keep working as they go on their own. I may not be certified though whatever fancy sounding organization, but I genuinely want serve and help people the best way I can. And I will continue to do so. My point for writing this is to show people that there are people like me out here trying to make a serious difference in the world. Like anything else, there are good aspects and bad. I agree with absolutely everything you said until your footnote. Now, I have heard from many people that many NLP programs are not very complete or in-depth and they come away with frustration and little or no personal change or development.
I have personally trained at NLP Marin, am a Master Practitioner, and I will tell you that that is a completely different program and seriously amazing. But as we get older the info gets outdated, so we need to update the system. I have been doing this work for many years and have had great results with clients. Really it seems to be more about producing these peak emotional experiences I people rather than looking at the day to day drudgery of doing the Work of self actualisation.
Brilliant effort on your part to respond to the vast majority. In most of these cases I have done this through employment but in many simply to support, assist and guide friends, colleagues and family. Holy cow his voice sounds so deep there must be testosterone circulating his voice box!!
That has to be put on — right? The therapists I know use life coaching as part of therapy. We help people work through their issues and help them move on to where they want to be. Hi Your Article actually made me a bit sad. Let me explain why. I am a psychologist, and have practical experience from various workplaces, but I have experienced that it is increasingly difficult to be able to perform proper theraphy. As an employee the workplace goals and priorities prefer money before effect, and as an independent psychologist it has been impossible for me, to attract clients, without the use of marketing tricks and subtle manipulations much like this fine Article could be categorized as , so although I agree with almost everything you have written, it just seems that using the retoric of the BS coaches you have written about, is the way to make a living as a psychologist.
That makes me sad, and this great Article reminded me of this fact. The psychotherapy industry has a huge PR problem. Because of that, a lot of people turn to expensive and unqualified coaches who have great marketing, but an inferior product. I think that ultimately psychologists can fix their problem, though it will require a public education campaign and a lot of cooperation. And perhaps more aggressive measures to weed out the bad providers. The end result was: My one job as a coach is to accelerate learning.
The ONLY thing I do in a coaching assignment is to increase the pace with which the coachee comes to the insights as to the best way to go forward. Anyone that is working for an hourly fee should make sure they keep their customers as long as possible. I call bullshit. But I love my attrition rate. Anything over 6 months is a waste! Thank you for a critical view. Thank you for making me think about my job some more.
He got the couple with marital issues to look at each other and after some fluffy NLP got the woman to cry and say she was not going to leave the man. The crown applauded and TR moved on swiftly. Intrigued by TR technique, I looked up his Bio, to find he is on wife number three. TR can save others marriages but not his own! Or was he just practicing twice? TR pushed the share on the crowds in this crowded rooms and the American Moms and Pops that purchased the shared felt the pain of Financial loss and the hands of TR and his associates. TR has a troop of hand picked coaches ready to set your goals and delivery on his visions of success for you.
When he was unable to deal with the paradox he broke down and had to be helped in to the back rooms to recover.
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While I wish every one well, I also wish TR and this like to leave it to the better qualified to deal with people. Its needed to validate some real experiences that more than one person is having. You might like this video excerpt from the nlp advanced mastery training in boulder. Great article! Basically the concept that you need to take responsibility for your life and make things happen.
The concept that for the most part the quality of your life is up to you is gold in terms of how you think. I think for the most part self-help is mythology. BUT its probably some of the best mythology out there. Better than most religion. Humans need mythology, its as human a thing as you can get. So he writes a book on money that is super generic and has no connection to how he actually makes money. Basically Goldman Sachs make money by stockpiling aluminum, creating an artificial boost to the price, and making every soda can just a touch more expensive.
No giving value, no following your passion, no becoming a better person on the inside to attract money, no wealth clearing etc. Just cornering a market, somewhat unethically, but legally. I love that I spent a good 5 years brainwashing myself with self-help and personal development. It was critical to my current success. It really did wire me for success in many ways. But that was the training ground.
Real success is sometimes about things you can write in books or teach in seminars. But when I was in my self-help phase it would have been great. Another gap in self-help is that once you done all the exercises they recommend eventually it becomes time to learn real skills. At least one leads to practical skills that can make money. Although the gratitude journal probably boosts happiness. For most people who want to make more money though they are better off learning real practical skills — like marketing, advertising, coding etc — than inner game stuff.
I seem to still feel seduced by Robbins and another fellow named Paul McKenna. I have watched a boatload of videos with Robbins and Mckenna. The things you see as negatives I see as amazing miracles. I saw the video where a man wanted to commit suicide. I can see the argument that it might not last. I get that. I am quite certain that McKenna works with doctors and psychologist the people are going to. I think Robbins does the same. If I am wrong by all means show me, I would like to know. I do think McKenna and Robbins charge way too much for any regular person to be helped by them.
It makes a certain sense, since they are so popular many, many people would be knocking down the door for help. Thank you for your words. Even do not take Tony Robbins for granted!
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Love the fact as well that you show people how important it is to learn new things from the books of coaches, but that this does not mean you are implementing it right. I was reading this principle for months and after one real life training, I was able to experience the power of it 13 months later. Like you say: Just pick a coach who has great testimonials and ask him to support you with the things where he got results in the past. And about Tony Robbins… I am not sure it is the right strategy to build an opinion based on top of a documentary or a book without knowing the full details, context, and process.
Because there is always one or two filters between you and reality. This is very well written. That said, I agree with your assessment of the documentary and his lack of self-awareness where his limitations are concerned. All of it was horrible to watch, and I felt, enormously irresponsible. As you said so well at the end, he should stick to what he knows. The NLP stuff…frankly never worked for me. But verbal repetition of the successful outcome I want…no. I liked your post. Needless to say I stopped seeing her.
A couple of months to solve a life long issue is no time at all. It takes a lot longer in most cases. If you have struggled with an issue it is usually something that has bothered you for years. It will take a lot longer than a few months. It is not about seeing results in a few months which to me is exactly the quick fix approach you are talking about but about a process of freeing yourself from old patterns. It can literally take years. Thank you for writing this whilst there are parts I agree and parts I disagree overall I am very glad you wrote it and attracted the comments which I also read and learnt from.
Thank you Jason. You are simply using his popularity to get attention. Inevitably there is a lot you dont see. Ive done DWD and it helped me greatly. Tony puts his own gloss on it and has a nice way with catchy phrases which help you recall the key points. Jason if you want to change your life Tony advocates Step 1 changing your state moving your physical body … there could be some lying down in a meditation but its obvious to me you havent caught the key ideas.
Step 4 Change your strategy… make a new plan, make a decision, and take massive action. You can change your life in an instant. By making a decision. What we often do is take a long time to make the decision. Until we get to the point of I cant take this anymore, or I love her so much or whatever. You decide, you change. You then have to keep at it… repetition is the mother of skill — T. Tony takes you into the motivators of why we do what we do and how we can find ways to change.
Bad habits must be replaced with better habits, habits that meet more than 3 of our basic human needs. But he has certainly helped many millions of people who get and enjoy and embrace his ideas. I worked with TR for a long time… I mean a over a decade in various roles. I am not just saying, I was on salary… I worked along side him at times closely. I have been in meetings many will never know about. I worked in the culture, and the business. It is very cult like.
Your share, is very gentle for the reality of it. The term is brain washed. He reinforces that, his team reinforce that. I am not going to go into too much detail. I am sure it will come out sooner or later. Trust yourself Jason… you have only scratched the surface of all that will come out with this. Free As A Bird and I totally respect your decision not to use your name — this comment is really interesting to me. She said that even today years later she has his voice in her head. Weird, dark, intense stuff.
I appreciate you chiming in here. Jason a refreshing post and well said. I do disagree with you on accreditation…I think a coach needs strong skills and multiple credentials. You need to be able to pick and choose from a solid set of skills those which will best benefit your client. One size does not fit all so one approach does not work for every client. I love to be able to draw on my huge set of skills and life experience when working with clients.
This is a great read. Thanks for the article, it was actually incredibly reassuring. Good stuff Lucy — for the right person, working with a good therapist and a good life coach at the same time can be a lethally effective combination. I know psychiatrists that are confronting their own industry because of their ignorance in this field.
Which is why there are a lot of people with very long relationships with therapists and have spent thousands to heal their trauma and still, years later, have nightmares, crippling anxiety, and very active triggers and are lead to believe they are thriving. Oh contraire. Thank you for reiterating that point. Working through all that stuff on our paths to being better? Dynamic indeed, because the one constant is change. Leckey — I appreciate this comment. Despite that, only two people — you and a close friend — have mentioned them to me.
That made me smile. Hi Jason! This is my first time to your blog and it was a great info. I focused more on your outline around sniffing out poor and even harmful coaching than the specific words agains Robbins. I agree so much though with what you said about quick fixing. It is my number one pet peeve.
Quick fixing took me down the path to orthorexia, shitty relationships, and confusing my trauma around sexual abuse with being told I needed to get those multiple orgasms on demand. People who promise quick fixes usually live in so much denial of where even they personally suffer and fall short. The deception around what actually happens behind the scenes can be so harmful to those who are strung along this path. One point I would add that I learned about seeking coaching for myself in different areas, and learning what I could do to always improve as a coach, is to really appreciate the ones who are great boundary setters.
They have clear coaching agreements. They outline the limits of the coaching relationship. They value their time and yours. I also know a lot of my suffering in the past resulted from lack of boundaries. Again, thanks for putting this topic out there. I love that it does show how much self-love and acceptance you have developed in yourself knowing it would be a controversial topic that would result in some mean spirited comments about your own integrity.
That, to me, shows a lot of integrity. Hey Sarah! Thanks so much for visiting the blog — so glad to hear you enjoy it. Thank you so much for your thoughts here Jason. I have been a coach for 17 years and a life coach trainer for 5 and the changes I have seen in the industry especially in the last few years have been prolific. Some are for the better but others most definitely are not and most have to do with the shady marketing and manipulation you mention.
The other point I want to raise which is that life coaches are not supposed to give advice. The coach helps to bring those out in a client but it is the client who is self-actualising in the best circumstances and creating their own reality and life. That is what the best coaches do, not make their clients reliant upon them or for a moment believe that they are the ones with all the answers they are seeking. As for Tony — I went to DWD 20 years ago and found it to be an amazingly confidence boosting, challenging and positive experience.
The documentary released last year however absolutely horrified me for all the reasons you mentioned. This was not the Tony I saw and experienced and while we all change in subtle and not so subtle ways as we move through life, this was an experience to me that reeked of manipulation, bullying, dominance and the exact opposite of the title of saying he was not supposed to be the guru. And therefore there was no opportunity for a path to be opened towards self-actualisation for the people involved.
And so…thanks. I am a passionate coach and train others to become one through really empowering and ethical means. I know that there will always be detractors in our industry — and I have in fact come to love them for the challenge they throw to us with me knowing that out there, there are truly incredible coaches doing amazing work that is making a difference. I have 30 years of experience as a registered health care provider, have a masters degree in leadership, and have done a lot of very high quality personal and spiritual development work, including NLP training which has been very beneficial for me and for people I have helped with those tools.
My experience of the training so far is that is uses specific tools that are well researched from fields like Human Needs Psychology. Cloe Madanes is a well respected psychologist who teams up with Robbins in this training. We watch videos of Tony Robbins in interventions with clients and are reminded regularly that what Tony is doing in front of thousands of people is not life coaching.
Life coaching recognizes that change takes time and that the client is the wise source to listen to about what is needed. There will inevitably be a fall as darkness always gives way for more light. We have been cradled in a bubble of lies and false security. For change to come, we will have to face the deceit we have been spoon-fed since birth. Stand with hearts alight to finally radiate in our truth harnessing the power within that has been awaiting ignition.
Stay focused on the wonder, beauty and bliss. Through this remembrance, the light of our truth knows no bounds. The dark forces fear the light… Terrified of us remembering our true power as humans. To stop us from becoming these magnificent forces of light as is our birthright, sundry agendas are in place to make us believe we are small and powerless.
Your power is to vibrate differently from them, to respond differently than they have programmed you. In the end they cannot do anything. Aubrey Marcus founder of Black Swan Yoga reminds us that those in power are weak, they only seek to maintain their position and will follow wherever the masses go to keep their status.
This is important to remember of the Cabal. While they have an ultimate aim, they are fearful and only seek to stay in control. When we can no longer trust the media, the government, the businesses and the religions, there is no place left to turn but within. Here we will find the greatest storehouse of our light. We are the light. The frequencies of the heart are among the most powerful on the planet. The documented work of Heart Math Institute has illuminated the possibilities that exist within each of us to become forces of change.
We cannot fail and the more momentum we gain, the closer our ultimate destiny as living gods, co-creators of this world, becomes. Travel down a new road with Gaia, a member-supported conscious media company.
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